Jokes, please

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  hicc's on Thu Jan 31, 2013 2:48 pm

A man escapes from prison after being there 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, and then ties the girl to the bed.
He gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife,"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

Very Happy
Know its an old one.. but I likes it Twisted Evil
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Re: Jokes, please

Post  Guest on Sun Jan 27, 2013 12:13 pm


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Re: Jokes, please

Post  Ticky on Fri Jan 25, 2013 3:10 pm

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  hicc's on Fri Jan 25, 2013 3:00 pm

I was in a pet shop last week when I noticed a Muslim with the most amazingly coloured parrot perched on his shoulder…

"Where did you get that from?" I asked,

Christmas Island, there's fu*kn thousands of them!" --said the Parrot…!!


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Re: Jokes, please

Post  hicc's on Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:41 am

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  Guest on Wed Jan 23, 2013 9:45 pm


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Re: Jokes, please

Post  hicc's on Tue Jan 22, 2013 1:36 pm



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Re: Jokes, please

Post  hicc's on Mon Jan 21, 2013 9:36 pm

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  hicc's on Sat Jan 19, 2013 9:49 pm

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger said, "I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and left the plane.
The second passenger, Julia Gillard, said, "I am the prime Minister of Australia and I am the smartest woman in Australian history, so Australia's people don't want me to die." She took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The third passenger, John Kerry, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from the Army of the United States of America ." So he grabbed the parachute next to him and jumped.
The fourth passenger, ex-President George W. Bush, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my country the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr. President. There's a parachute left for you. Australia 's smartest woman took my schoolbag."
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Re: Jokes, please

Post  hicc's on Tue Jan 15, 2013 10:32 am



Wonder how long it took that dude to 'release' his demon....lol..
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Re: Jokes, please

Post  BigP on Mon Jan 14, 2013 7:12 pm

The Doris has been tending the garden this year, And has done a great job, she put in a few runner beans.. And these babies are producing an amazing crop.. you pick them and they keep producing,, i am having a good feed of them tonight,,

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  Ticky on Mon Jan 14, 2013 6:58 pm

BigP wrote:A bunny like you would have eaten a few in ya time...



you got that right.....lol
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Re: Jokes, please

Post  BigP on Mon Jan 14, 2013 6:55 pm

BigP wrote:
Ticky wrote:hope ya get myxomatosis.....





it wont survive the oven,,





Maybe its a Jewish rabbit..?

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  Rumi on Mon Jan 14, 2013 6:53 pm

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  BigP on Mon Jan 14, 2013 6:49 pm

A bunny like you would have eaten a few in ya time...

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  BigP on Mon Jan 14, 2013 6:49 pm

Ticky wrote:hope ya get myxomatosis.....





it wont survive the oven,,

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  Ticky on Mon Jan 14, 2013 6:30 pm

hope ya get myxomatosis.....
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Re: Jokes, please

Post  BigP on Mon Jan 14, 2013 6:24 pm

[img]http://loungeoflegends.forumotion.com/[/img]



No feet-us , it was a young fella...steptoe woulda loved em...Hit him rite through the shoulder. i will let him dry for a bit, then roast him with a couple of lamb shoulder chops i have ,,,yum

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  BigP on Mon Jan 14, 2013 5:53 pm

I will process it shortly and let you know..

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  BigP on Mon Jan 14, 2013 5:52 pm

Its on the young side, i very much doubt it preggy...

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  Ticky on Mon Jan 14, 2013 5:46 pm

BigP wrote:[img]http://loungeoflegends.forumotion.com/[/img]



Doesnt he look Yummy...

looks like a pregnant doe to me.
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Re: Jokes, please

Post  BigP on Mon Jan 14, 2013 5:41 pm

[img]http://loungeoflegends.forumotion.com/[/img]



Doesnt he look Yummy...

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  BigP on Mon Jan 14, 2013 5:35 pm

[img]http://loungeoflegends.forumotion.com/[/img]



Not sure what these guys are , but they make a farkin racket..

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Re: Jokes, please

Post  Ticky on Sat Jan 12, 2013 12:54 pm

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.





<BLOCKQUOTE style="MARGIN-TOP: 5pt; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 5pt">






The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.




And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and high enough off the ground so the cat can't get it.

He got an A.
</BLOCKQUOTE>
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Re: Jokes, please

Post  Ticky on Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:57 pm

hicc's wrote:
Ticky wrote:hiccs wont go to heaven now.....nope........


Shall I save you a seat tick?

Twisted Evil Twisted Evil

thanks, but mine is already booked.....
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